In my culture we present ourselves before we speak. My name is Nicole, I was 48 years agoo born and raised in te Netherlands. My forfathers did terrible things in the past. I wish I could change that or say it isn't true, but it is the reality. It makes me feel ashamed about the past of our European people does not make me feel proud.
Therefore I would like so thank you for giving me permission to be able to read here an to express myself on this forum. Still it is very strange that we now have the opportunity to communicate by computer with somebody at the other end of the world. Even the disctance is so far for people, we all look at the same sun which lightens the same moon at night.

Being here as an European woman feels like a big honor, thank you for inviting me in and I hope I will not insult anybody because I am not sure in my choice of words on this screen. My people, the Dutch people have a very big mouth and since I am also Dutch I will try to avoid my own direct way of communicating. My Englisch will have many mistakes since it is not my primair lenguage.

My name here is Horse tango, it is a direct translation from the dutch name I use here and represents the dance with the horses. When I was a child I was different, Mother Nature taught me about the animal world and I am very greatful for the lessons the animals gave me and still do. That is what I would like to teach people in my country, to respect Mother Nature and be with her in stead of against her. My hope is that there will be no fights anymore with the animals or people who feel connected, and we can all be free in our minds even being captured in stables, cages or other ways of not being able to be where they want to be.
We, my husband and me, live in a smallvillage together with three horses, dogs, cats and some chickens and all the other animals who come and go.

Thank you for reading.



Me and the white mare

Thank you.
These days I was realizing that when I look at the sun, which warms my country in this springtime, listening to the sounds of the birds who are back after there winter journey, that you are looking at the moon. And the other way around.
When my father told me when I was a little child that there were Native people in the world who lived close to Mother Nature I was exited. But sad too, hearing what my people did. WHY?
Now I am on a forum of people where I feel a deep respect. It has been bothering my mind what I can bring to you.

When I was child I always studied animals. When I was small it were the insects. Turning the stones in our city garden realizing that I was disturbing a small world. Every stone represented a small world, and any stone was a bit different. It exited me because it was so interesting to see all these small creatures. They lived there small life, each om a differentway, and some of them had really short lives or had live in the earth. Every creature had his own specialty and was build to do what he or she had to do in there different life.
I never wanted to hurt them, only watch them to learn about the animals and realized that I was not alone on this planet. It was necessary to put the stones very carefully back on its place. Not hurting anyone and in my head saying thank you for allowing me to watch your world, hope no nobody got hurt.
In front of the house were I was born was a pedestrian (is that proper English?) so people could walk in front of the big old houses.

There I discovered the ants which made there houses in between the stones. They were running and running every were, but then I discovered they had two roads. One towards there nest and one back. When I put something interesting next to the road they investigated that and cut it in small pieces to take it to the nest. Piece by piece. For hours I looked at all the creatures around me. It was my small world, but I was never alone. We could not of course never take care of each other, or be friends, I decided to respect them.
When I learned how to ride a bike I had trouble inside my head. How many ants would die because of me. It bothered me, but I also wanted to be able to ride this bike.

I became older, and grew. I wanted to meet the bigger animals. At the age of four I met a dog. He was black, so they called him Blacky. He was a male dog and with him started a relationship. I went to his house and asked the owner to walk with him. He was not on a leash(which is illegal in my country to do in the city) but our friendship was great. But many people responded on this free dog and the small child. The dig could bite me, was dirty in there eyes or aggressive, which he wasn’t. He took care of me, we played, laughed, dug holes in the sand and taught me what I wanted to know. We were as much as I could together. Not knowing anything of training, just being together was my basic of developing my natural instinct. I still feel so grateful knowing this dog.
This friendship ended because my people said it was not good for me. I was to involved. It was the first time in my life that I doubted integrity, honesty, love? . How was this possible? Forbidden relationship. What about the instincts, what about freedom, this was integrity, loyalty why do my people not believe in the animal world?
Now I asked permission to be on your forum, one year later I got permission. The same question as with the stones is bothering me. What can I bring you, do I disturb, am I the white enemy?
Please my intentions are good, they com from my heart.

Thank you Dakod for your answer.
If I understand well the wasicu is the word you use for greedy.

Translating that in my culture and in my language that should be gold, blinded by the value we give to the gold. You are right, and nothing has really changed. The war is still going on.
From my point of view it is incredible, which is not a good word to express what I really mean, that there are reservations mad for people.
Modern society feels very sorry for the dogs who are in shelter, but towards some people things seem to be different. Why ?
I do not understand, and believe me I always do my best to see things from different views, but in the country which was called America I do not understand this hate amongst people. After all we all know about history and I cannot remember finding anywhere something about feeling really sorry and honor now what my people have killed. Now people are looking for the connection with Mother Nature, blind, deaf and without the basic of the glue that keeps us people together. The feeling of being connected. Black, yellow, red or white.

In my country are many problems with horses, people buy horses and do not realize enough that being with a horse means to connect with Mother Nature. In stead of helping the horse in his life they fight. They fight against Mother Nature. Horses get scared, people get frustrated not understanding the needs this animal has. Some horses attack people, and I do not have to explain to you that horses are kind animals. They do not have to kill to eat, so they are not aggressive. They can live with other species and learn from them. Why can't people learn from horses? Why are so many people stubborn and only look at what THEY want and forget the connection?

My story continues when I grew bigger. There was a field where some pony's lived. As a small child I went there and stayed with them for about ten years. Studying there behavior, being part of this group and the taught perhaps everything you need to know about horses. in the meanwhile I had to go to school. After losing my big friend because my father said I had to concentrate on school there my hate against school must have started. I was different, that’s for sure, but being different did not mean something good. I was different in the inside and also on the outside, darker, brown eyes, colored skin and very interested in Mother Nature and all she brings to us. So very soon I was outcast on school. It hurt me, but I fell richer than anybody else there. As a small child I wasn’t fighting against Mother Nature, I saved many friends (insects) who were in trouble with the windows, or drowning in the traps people make. They said I was a stranger, but I knew I was a part of Mother Nature. All I had to do is learn to be human and when the time would be there I would explain my people, perhaps show them the way. The best weapon is to be honest, to love, to care and to share. It is also the hardest weapon, because it is in the soul, and not only the body.
Hours, days I listened to the animals around me, how the bees fly and yes they can sting but they only do that when we put them in danger. Many people become angry to bees, saying that this animal can sting. Yes it can, bit it will not do it for nothing. You can hear so well what they are doing by the sound when they fly. The sound of investigating the environment searching for interesting things for there people. Strange enough in my language we speak of the bee-people (direct translation from me). They make honey, the living gold of nature, and need to fly around to take care for there children. We should be very grateful to these small animals. We take there gold, we eat it and people can buy it in the supermarket. By listening to them watching there tiny legs and special body’s it was easy to recognize the sounds they make. No reason to kill, may reasons to say every time a bee passes your path, thank you little friend. Why can’t I explain this to the many scared and hysterical people who become hysterical and by not knowing anything, or willing to ask about the bees kill them, before they can sting.
Yes they can sting, and yes a horse can kick or even bite you. But ask them about the intentions, then you will see there is no need to be afraid. They are animals who are specialized in living in a group or a herd, they are such great teachers for us. If a bee is to close to you just blow some air towards him and he will take more distance. Then look at him, he is an ambassador of his people. Look at his beauty, the skills and learn to live with other cultures. Especially when they bring us so much.
These are lessons from Mother Nature which make me feel so grateful, it was so easy to understand and to give respect to any creature. Everything you do or do not do depends on your own behavior. Writing this down makes me realize that it is exactly the same with people.
Killing people because ‘we’ are to lazy to understand them. Putting native people in reservations, and tell them what to do and what not. When my father told me about that when I was a child I was happy. So these people have there own place, we have given the land back to them. That was the idea we had in my country, and perhaps still have. But… later when I started to be more interested because of the shared respect for Mother Nature I found parts of the truth. Since I know that is still the reality makes me feel ashamed, really ashamed of being one of them, a white woman.
My parents are not alive, and my sisters said told me a month after my father went away that I am probably not a child of my father. They try to convince me by telling me that my skin is different, it is darker, my eyes are brown and indeed they are. When I told them that this hurts me a lot, and asked them to stop they didn’t. They said I should investigate this strange story where one of my sisters came with. They do not understand that it hurts me, has confused me about my roots, and that it makes me so sad.
My father is the storyteller, he was great in telling stories. My mother has past long time ago now, the alcohol killed her body and messed up her mind. Still she represents to me real love. My father was the one who kept me in his arms when I was afraid of the dark as a small child. He took care of me, he helped me and raised me so he is my father. Why? Why do they say he is not?
Sometimes I also think these people indeed can not be my family. They are rich, they have beautiful houses, big cars, design furniture and so many material things which are to them so important. But they do not take responsibility for what they do, they explain things, and in my circle they refuse (or are not able) to share the impact of that story, which is impossible to ask my parents because they do not live anymore. We also have a nice place, but my furniture is different. Almost anything here is given to us, and I feel grateful. Why am I telling this on a forum? I don’t know, perhaps I feel the need of sharing something with people on the other side of the world. People who, even without knowing anybody personally, are an example for me in how to be.
This story might make you not understand our culture, our culture which indeed is made of how much people have, and not looking at who they are. Our leaders of the country are chosen, we are followers for people who we think are strong. Leadership is the animal world is about who you are and not what you are. The horses who live with us do not listen to people who are scared, they only mirror this fear.
Horses feel, are sensitive and to me I think they are great teachers.
Sorry to talk so much. Somehow it feels that it is necessary to do so.

Be greeted and welcome to the forums Horse Tango.

Thank you Ghostwarrior.


It is very strange to me to put my life story on a public forum, not having any idea who is reading this. All I know that you have many good reasons to hate us, and hate me. It is not that I am of any importance, or think I am, it is just a story from somebody in another country. In my culture it is more normal to talk about success stories, we don’t talk about our real feelings. Feelings, and especially the real feelings of life are seen here as a weakness. We ‘normally’ explain things, rationalize it, and so we learn to hide the reality. Nobody speaks about what really bothers someone. On the outside it has to look good, and even perfect. No matter what, when you meet somebody who asks you; “hello, how are you”. We say, no matter what “good, thank you for asking”.

Why do my people give such big values of ‘things’, materials which are not the basic of life? How come this has become a bigger issue in life then being connected. Materials are there to use, you sit on a chair, work or eat on a table but you smile with other people. The basic is how you feel, how other persons feel and it is the feeling which connects people. If that somebody is your family then this person gets a lot of credit. We are loyal to our family and we love our parents and our brothers and sisters on a natural way. Even when your parents have forbidden many things during our youth, and perhaps some of us had argues with our parents. We still love them, and when you become older I think even more. Then we understand them because we feel deeply connected and realize what real love is.

In my country it is not really strange that families fall apart. After all the Netherlands is small, but not poor. What is being rich? People have there reasons and argue a lot about the gold, the money. Being right in a relationship seems to be more important then being loved, or be loyal. Words like love, integrity, trust, confidence and loyalty are words we use very often. It is not about the words, it is about the intention behind the words. It is something I do not understand, not that feel sorry for myself but I know how painful it is when you trust somebody and it seems to be the wrong person. You feel ashamed yourself, even if there is nothing to blame. Our society is grown more and more about money, cars, success which decides the status. The status of somebody is more important then the skills or the heart. We communicate more intellectual so we can explain everything, whatever it is.

The soul of being human, the specie and the basics of humanity what is in my opinion, international is gone. People are sensitive, the feeling is strong, but it not in the first place about they, or we, we feel very selfish. If a horse is sick we say; ‘I feel so sorry for myself, because my horse is sick and I can not ride poor me’. We do not talk about what it means to the horse to be sick.

When my father, now 4 years ago left me physically I fell so alone. The loss changed my life completely. I worked in a prison, at that moment about 24 years and I stopped there. Losing my father was one of the worse moments of my life. Now I was grown up amd there nobody left who really loved me. I love him, we had fights or struggles but in the heart and soul we were very close. And at the end of his life when het could not speak well because of his body I was the only one who could speak with him without words. We were so deeply connected that he did not had to ask me anything because I could see on his expression, his way of moving or just his breath what his intentions were. If possible I helped him and guarded him when I was there. A few days before he died I spend some nights with him. I slept on my sheepskin on the floor. Not because I feel low, but because it is a very good way to sleep, for me it is. This was not common, people are supposed to sleep in beds, but I didn’t care. This is me.

These days and nights are the greatest gifts of our relationship. We talked, we forgave each other, we cried and we laughed. My father had a good sense of humor. Het taught me to look at animals, and to respect everything around us. He laughed with people, and not about people. Those days he told me a few secrets which have always during his life been bothering his mind. They are our secrets, and I feel honored to know, to share these moments with my father. Just like I was a child, and shared my secrets with him. Then he took care of me, and now I could take care of him. The circle of life was almost for filled.

He recovered and seemed to enjoy my company, that made me happy of course and after a while I slept back at my home again. But that didn’t last very long, he became weaker.
We bring our old people to special places. When our parents become to old to take care of themselves they are brought to a special center. There are some nurses to take care of them, feed them, wash them help them to get dressed and wait. Those are the places where our older people die.

Writing this down makes me feel such a bad person and so ashamed of my culture, it is so typical Dutch. Being very selfish, which is normal behavior here, thinking we as persons are so important. Without conscience but by explaining why we treat our older people like that. Strange though that in the southern Europe people do take there parents in the house, we don’t. Reasons are: because most of us have jobs, children, houses, cars and so we call that a busy life. No room for our parents because we have our agenda which shows us the way, not the heart, and not a circle of life but only one part of the circle. In my country it is ‘normal’.

When my father was old and could not take good care of himself I offered to take care of my father too, live in his house and be with him. Thank the man who raised me, helped me and forgiving everything of the past. He was 94 years old and we all knew that this were his last moments in life. But nobody really listened or took it serious. My sisters laughed about it, they have what they call themselves a big sense of humor. The youngest sister, the blond an blue-eyed woman, went to the bank after she checked how much money he was leaving behind. Not that I am a holy person, but there our spiritual roads separated. She never liked me, she was always mean to me when I was a small child, and later she never stopped her need to destroy. We were always competing, and I never new why? Now I think she was jalouce from the moment I was born. She was then 13 years and not nr. 1anymore. Now at these final moments I saw her soul, and yes, that was a greedy soul. I was deeply shocked and spoke about that, but they explained it, and nobody understood what I meant to say about the heart and about the values of life. It was talking to a wall. They visited him, my father, too, but when they were there they talked about the newest DVD, or other materials. Was I part of this process, was I Dutch? I fell deeply ashamed and hoped my father didn’t notice it. It would hurt his old heart.

When he passed away I was sad, at that moment I did not only lose my father but also family. The youngest sister reminded me and my older sister that I was not a child of my father. And since I have been working for a longtime in prisons I thought the influence of that job was big. It was me who didn’t trust people. But it wasn’t me, or the influence of the job. It was the relationship we had, she was never honest. She wanted family, money and that was only possible when she made a fool out of me.
It didn’t take long before I wrote her that it didn’t want any contact with her. My father was scared before he died that we would separate, I promised him not to and said that we were such a nice family. But I broke this promise. Why did he ask that, he was dying he had other trouble.

Now I think he knew, inside his heart he knew and the idea made him sad. I feel ashamed of breaking with my family, it hurt me for many, many years. Even still feeling that they broke the relationship years more early. After my father died they explained me that ‘perhaps I was a stepsister’ and that it was my job to find that out. I explained that I didn’t see why I should. My father is my father, I do not doubt that, they do. It wasn't me who had doubts.

My mother taught me to love from your heart and that is how I feel. Loving my parents, they are the people who raised me and fed me, helped me and now are not physically alive.
But in my heart my memories are there.
Nobody can ever take that away. Nobody.

Some thoughts to share with you.

Reading the topics now I noticed something which might seem small, but is not small. It is bothering my mind and it feels necessary to explain. When I was young and learned English at school, it amazed me that in that language the word I is written with a big i. Nobody was ever able to explain why?
To me it represents how important the people of this language see themselves. As far as I know now it is the only language which does that.

When I write here I use a program, Words97, which helps me to express myself. English is not my first language and I really make a lot of mistakes in this language, this program corrects my spelling. And it is necessary to do, so others are better able to understand my chosen words. Forgive me please, for not changing the I to i, the spelling control does it automatically. To me it doesn’t mean anything, it is just a (strange) thing from a language but I can imagine that it does to you. Sorry for that, it is a good reminder that I am European.

If it is really disturbing, please tell me and I will change the spelling. Please will you help me, and show me the way, in not hurting anybody here.

There will be more miscommnucations, expressions, culture differences in how we express. Please if i make those mistakes, and i will, help me to avoid that so nobody has to feel bad.

After the permission, which feels like an invitation and a welcome from you, it feels like an honor to be here. It is now possible to ‘talk’ with each other. This forum makes it possible to be able to read about your lives and I feel something is happening inside me. It was a dream, a children dream, to be able to ‘talk’ with people who have been without knowing each other, were, and perhaps are still my heroes. But it is also confusing that the reality is even worse then my imagination could describe.
Being able to post here something is strange. Am I the enemy, am I taking something from you or do I bring you something. Not knowing if that is something you are waiting for. That brings me on the question why am I here, talking so much telling you about my life. That is, what i think now, in your culture not the way you introduce yourself.

What do I want, and is there something I want? This question is bothering me. Realizing the language is so different and we express ourselves so differently, both from a different culture, a different history and a different life style makes me realize that it must be very strange for you too. What does this Dutch woman want from us?
It is very hard to express exactly who we are on the internet, here every word is just a written word, no eyes, no expression, no feeling, no physical contact, just a screen with words. In my heart I would like to bring you something, something of value something which is of any use. But what?

Looking at the screen seeing that you read my words. Tell me welcome means a lot to me. It feels like a big honor to be able to communicate and it is almost as if it is not true. It brings questions. Why would you let somebody in your community. A white woman. European, Dutch, who is telling you story’s. Are you waiting for that? Is that why somebody created this forum? Or is it to tease him or her. Show again how greedy my people indeed can be or are. Please, forgive me it is only a thought.

It also means that we have something in common. We are people. People on the same planet with all the same basic feelings. The last days something inside my head is happening. At this moment it is not possible to describe what it is. But it is something strong.
There is such a big difference in between us. The more I try to realize how your lives must be nowadays, the more it makes me worry. Trying to imagine how your lives must be, which is impossible, trying to find a way to understand how it can be, feels for your people to be banned from the land which is now ‘owned’ by thieves. It makes me feel so lousy that this happens somewhere, that people do that still and the lack of respect towards the people of Mother Nature. Nothing has changed, even we have internet, nothing has changed … yet.

Our forefathers were both fighting, killed people, took the soul of so many innocent people. Terrible things happened and nothing seems to be solved. Like it was all for nothing, that all those lives were taken for nothing. Which I deny to believe but seems to be reality.
It feels, still does, so strange now that I was as a child happy for you when I heard of the reservations. They gave the land back to the real people. No that is wrong, the build prisons to control other people. It feels so bad, so ashamed that the truth was something else, and totally different. Remembering that somewhere in the 70’s we saw on the news in my country, (we never hear anything about you) that there was a fight with the government. Native people were talking about freedom, rights, freedom, the interfering of the police, fights and I did not understand what happened there. It was something with Wounded Knee, one of the most sad, but most of all incredible things in history. Even now I sometimes cry for the things that happened in the past.

My tears do not help anybody, but I feel that those people should never die but have to be remembered. Each one of them, and on both sides. Because every person has parents, a mother and a father who love there children.
This newsbreak changed something. It made me curious about the reality. It took me years wrestling with what to think about it. It is so hard to imagine what really happened. But what was most impressive was how it happened and to me that history has not changed the behavior of people. Where are the lessons?

My idea is that it was about power, about not being interested in the reality an enormous lack of respect and not realizing that the soul of a country was killed. The army and the police was killing itself. Soldiers who do not think for themselves, they do not have elders to lean on but just do things because a chose ‘leader’ tells them, and the do it? They were fighting with weapons. Weapons which are used for people, to me are no weapons, but suicide ‘things’. The user kills two souls not one.

Killing animals for food is good, but killing people because they are different then you are, is killing your own heart and your own soul. It is pert rating your own kind? In the animal world there is no animal which kills like that. It is human to do. Are we so far away from ourselves that ‘we’ are not realizing what ‘we’ do ?
I was very ashamed when I investigated, and then there was no internet, and as you say all the information which was available came from… yes … the white man. Still my dream was a day dream, and that probably shocked me most. I trusted on the stories.

Being then a young girl, my favorite game was playing ‘Indian’ (movies), especially with the pony’s. riding them with no saddle, because we didn’t have one and imagining how it was to take care of horses. It was a fantasy, it was a children’s dream. After this news I was deeply shocked because my idea seemed to be totally wrong, totally wrong. How come we, in my country, were thinking good things but in reality it was so evil, so wrong. Not at all happy. The reality was not what I, and many people with me, thought it was. Why was my father so wrong?
The animals and my parents taught about loyalty, about care, about integrity. The people taught me how to lie.


Since I was riding the pony’s, I wanted to be as good as they are. Not only in riding but more how your people can connect, or better are so close to Mother Nature. Even my ideas were based on movies, I fell a deep respect and admiration. The insects, the dog Blacky, the pony’s, the sea where I used to swim, everybody showed me the way how to do so. It were not the teachers on school, not the other children and not our people who told me about Mother Nature. Be connected, never fight against, not get angry or upset but be together. Solve things. Your people were my heroes, my youth heroes and perhaps still are. And having brown eyes, colored skin and dark hair myself I played that I was one of you. Now I am older, and stopped playing, now I am me just a small creature on this planet.

It were silly movies, but in my country it was all we had as information. Was it not what I thought it was?
I remember seeing people from the army, wearing guns. Not to catch rabbits, but to use against people. Because of the history of America I did not like that country. And now being a bit older nothing has brought me on other ideas.
You should be the people where we, the white people to honor. To respect and share with each other. It is not honest, not integer and worse so not right. Even knowing that the worst question in nature is WHY, that word is human and bothers my human mind.

When I grew older and met the real horses(pony’s) they learned me many things, things which are important. By trying to understand them in there natural habitat I had to read books. Our country does not have wild horses. The horses taught me many things about there life, there life as being a prisoner. People telling them what to do and try to make them forget about there needs as animal, there real skills, there social behavior. Horses here are prisoners of humans. We keep horses in stables or on the field. The horses learned me that in normal circumstances they are not greedy at all. They share the land where they walk on and share the food. They never a problem of it.

In nature, horses, live together in herds (woman) or groups (boys), where they look after each other and raise there children. So that makes them very social animals, and indeed they are, we all know. They do not really fight, only the stallions fight amongst each other, not about food, but about woman.

But when people catch them and keep them together many horses develop strange behavior. Behavior which is not normal for horses but is inherent to the circumstances, the habitat. Many horses develop greedy behavior which expresses in feeding anger towards each other. Some horses are really aggressive, and can fight with there friends just for the food.
What I mean to say is that there are reasons for behavior, and even knowing that the question ‘why?’ is not a good question. But being human means we want to know so we can understand and prevent things. Unfortunately that sometimes goes very wrong in the whole world.
Animals live an easy, I mean less complicated life. A horse from Canada ‘speaks’ the same language as a Dutch horse. When they meet they will understand each other. With people it is different, we have so many cultures, languages, behavior and even spiritual big differences in how we look at the world. Are people really that different, does the history tears us apart?
When I look at history of other countries in the whole world you see the same things happening there. Genocides are happening every where. Or China where people pert rated there own family in the time of Mao, Russia where a human being means nothing and they kill people because some say or think ‘wrong things’. So many lives were ruined because after the revolution so many families were torn apart by the government. What brings peoples mind to even think like that? Why? And the worse question to ask yourself, would I be different. Because we all want to be part of something.

You are so right that is being greedy kills, greedy for power and make people suffer so they are dependent, scared and will do whatever you want hem to do, be silent and fearful for there lives or the life of relatives. That is power, and addicts some people. We all know that many leaders of country’s are no leaders for the people. Still the whole world is full with chosen leaders by humans. They are leading there own life, making money, being important and close there eyes for the real problems of a country. Power, and power does strange things with people. In the animal world leaders are the ones who are strong as a person, and who are the example for the others. The young animals see them as there example, there role model. In the human world it is so different.
When I grew older and had to leave the house my work was for about 24 years in prisons. There I had the honor to work with many, many different cultures. Most convicts were not the people from high society. Somehow they get away with there crimes. So, most of them were the basic people, survivors, warriors who had to fight to stay alive in there ‘family of friends’ which was the drugs scene. Everybody knows that those scenes are no family, are no friends but gangs. People want to belong with something.

I think the basic of each culture represents the fundamental of a country. Because there is where the real life is, the basic, that’s what I think. There I met black people, yellow people and white people, as far as I know no red people, only different nomads who were African people and Arabian people. But they all have a similar view on life. Get rich, get important and have status. Especially in the world of drugs, which is international and where they have incredible much money and power. I was always curious how people could make money out of the blood of there victims. Every kilo cocaine costs 7 human lifes, somewhere. All people who have parents, brothers, sisters but who are part of a system.
In prison we call them ‘mulas’ which is Spanish for mules, because the carry the drugs from mostly South America for others, and they get caught. In the criminal world they call them small fish. While they draw attention the big fish can pass the borders. Greedy as far I can think is to me something human. It is a disease and yes, it is like a devil which is killing your inside. It steels the soul of everything. But it is everywhere, so then it is one of the dark sides of people.
My mother had an alcohol problem, she drank too much and every evening she lost herself in the booze. I tried hard to understand why she lived like that, of course she denied having a problem. It also worried me that other people sold her so much alcohol. They were not committed, they only wanted to sell alcohol, for money so they can live. She could get it legal, nobody bothered about that. Were the people who sold her alcohol greedy or was there something even worse going on. Were people not involved, not caring about each other but egocentric. Closing there eyes, denying what they were part of something bad. Just taking the money and exchange of the killing liquid. And probably talk over her, joking about her problem. They must have noticed that she went every day to the liquid store where she bought every day at least one bottle. Laughing over problems from somebody is also human. It is more easy then to help somebody who is in trouble.

Many of the people where I worked with were in the prison because of selling drugs, which is illegal. So the same question was bothering my mind, alcohol and drugs kill the soul, kill the feeling, kill the man or woman inside. Why? What was the difference actually, because both kill the most important thing of being human. Which we call humanity. Caring for each other.
But the people who sell drugs and alcohol seem far away from being involved with others. They seem not to care.
So, there he is again, the lousy human question. Why?

Today a lot crossed my mind.
Thinking about the people who I admire so much, thinking how grateful i am that you exist. People who understand the reality. But some where, somehow your people were my big example. Especially when i was a child. Today i was trying to remember how that started and why. Always playing you, trying to understand you, honoring you and fell connected. Why was it like that? How did that start? It never changed, i just grew older, but in my heart i still feel a deep respect and admiration.

Was it because of my brown eyes, my brown hair? We are not connected, in Europe so many people have brown eyes. No relationship in blood, thats impossible. Well, it sure made it a lot more easy to play ‘Indian’ and refuse to play cowboy. My play was thati took care of the horses, leading them as a group to the water, and back (poor pony's), which wasn't always easy. As long as i remember i hated the rough cowboys. Even being very small somehow i must have known something about you way of respecting everything from nature. Like i, and i still do, feel connected with my little friends the insects. After al they were the first animals i met and studied as a child, so to me it is logical to respect them and feel grateful towards them.

It sounds ridiculous but for a longtime i had this funny private way of ‘reading’ people. Tried to imagine what kind of a cowboy somebody could have been in the past. Weak, strong, mean, stupid, honest, principles, feeling for others or losers. It helped, and was a way. That stopped, when i grew older.

I feel the need to tell you again that it feels like a very big honor to be able to talk here, with people who i admire so much. Never thought that would ever be possible. It is like a dream come true, a dream from my childhood. But is it yours too?

What does an European woman on a community where she doesn’t belong at all. ‘Talking’ such a lot, which is in your culture not usual. My feeling tells me that it is rather unusual to do, but it also says ‘tell them there is nothing bad about that’. ‘Tell them how we look at your people, how we look at the country which was called America. How we look at Obama’s choices’. I am not the only person here now who was amazed, no shocked that this man, his government really used the name of Geronimo. Which is a disgusting, disrespectful, insulting and whatan incredible choice of that man, he is supposed to be wiser. Geronimo was not a terrorist! In 2011 they still show so much disrespect, no lessons, it is really amazing.
But yes, there are also people here who say, what does it matter. Geronimo was a fighter, so…. It matters, and yes i care, a lot.

In my culture when we are invited somewhere at a house, or a party and we go there we bring something with us. Flowers (what i never understood, why my people like to watch a beautiful flowers dying in our house), chocolate, booze, wine or whatever. We bring something with us as a symbol of ‘thank you for the inviting me’.
This is a bit worrying me, feeling the need of giving you something but it is hard to think about what that would be. Because it was never possible, and now it seems possible. It took 40 years before it was possible to exchange words. Forgive me for being very enthusiastic and writing so much. If it is not good, please tell me. It is meant as a gift to you, sharing my thoughts from somebody in the Netherlands.

This afternoon i was sitting on the field where the horses walk and tried to remember when i realized for the first moment that Native people even existed. That is now a long time ago. We only know Gypsy’s and people who live in camps. But Native people we do not have. Going back in my memory i remembered that long time ago there was a movie on the television. It was about something about the first meeting with the New world. Perhaps i wasn’t able to read yet the translation, i was still very small, but it caught my eye and all my attention immediately. I don’t know why, but it seemed very realistic. On the movie was a man in half a metal harness riding on the field, on a horse. He made a lot of noise with all his equipment. Horses always shout in the Hollywood movies, but i suppose in reality this horse was not saying anything. The suit the man wore is not a very comfortable thing to wear, some metal around his legs, spurs and he had a shield in his hand. From that i remember. He rode upon a hill and there were some Aztecs on the other side. Both were amazed of what they saw. The Aztecs never saw a horse before, perhaps it was a white horse, many Spanish horses are white. Anyway they were impressed, as well as the man on the horse was surprised by the Aztecs. The man on the horse put his shield in front of him and there was an enormous shine of the sun in the metal of the shield. The Aztecs fell on there knees because they thought they saw a real God.

The man wanted the gold, and we all know what this conquistador and his people did after they met each other. What exactly happened after that shot of the harness and the sun i have forgotten, but that moment, that was impressive. Years later realizing that it was indeed like that. The conquistadores came for the gold, and killed for that without any respect and conscience.
The image of the sun which shined so brightly in the metal is something i never forgot. That light represented the gold, and as Dakod explained.. the greed of the people.
On our school they teach us about the land they called America. From what i remember on our schools they do teach the real story. Our people are taught that the land was stolen, and that so many people were killed and that our forefathers did terrible things. It is not the story what is wrong, it is the interpretation of people what can be different. But then the story ends.

My father was born in 1911. At that time there still were Native people living ‘free’. Geronimo just passed. My grandmother was a grown up in those days, she knew about the Native people and the white people who were stealing the land and people who tried to kill the soul. Those facts made me realize that this history was not from a real long time ago.

The people who organize things in my country or Belgium which have to do with Lakota people or other tribes here are so fake. White people dressed in strange clothing, behaving like bad actors and believing in something like to be enlightened or so. They are not an example, and they talk aboutyour culture and it seems like they steel to improve there onw lives.

It feels not all right that i, we thought and still think that the reservations were good. That it was a great compromise in sharing the land for the white and the black people and you. You were able to live your life, and share. But the reality is so different. Am i so naïve at my age?
Like the movie about the fishing. Looking at the movie i was interested, wow modern Lakota people who were teaching there children. The elders and the children. Singing, praying, thanking for this moment, not that i understand a word, but its my idea. But there on the back four men caught my attention… huh? Four man who look really scared, wearing the same costumes? Cannot be Lakota people. Are they police? So i stopped the movie and looked again. Wow, those man really look very scared, and yes the were police.
Stupid of me i honestly thought, or hoped, that they were there for sending away white man. Because my idea was that of course the white man are not allowed to fish there. White people fish for fun, not for food. You people fish for food, so that made good sense to me. Perhaps they came now so close to watch and to wish these people a good catch but there was so much tense. They and you live there and people must be used to Native rituals and life style. After all…

But… one of the elders was explaining a rule, constitution, or what….? What was happening there. There was something else going on, something unexpected happened. And i was wrong, very wrong. The police came to disturb, to tell the people that… they were not allowed to fish there. Sorry to say, but i had to turn it back again to believe what i saw there. This could not be reality, this .. but it was, and you all know it is.
Looking at this you tube movie, watching how the police disturbed the fishing and even took away the fish, first i thought ‘that cannot be true, or it must have happened long time ago’ Then i looked at the date, Friday 13th of may 2011 !
Wow. It upset me, and the young lady which said to the police that these people were not armed but they were so who wants to fight impressed me. The people holding up cards, what are they? Those papers which looked like a print with a drawing of feathers from the eagle. My God, people. Is that the reality! Wa
The police even took the fish!? Stealing it, in the name of some kind of law. NO !!! There is no law, all rules are made by something much stronger. Perhaps the policeman ate the fish themselves, with not any respect and make jokes about it. They do not say ‘thank you’ to the fish, they judge. That is stupidity, and yes, stupid laws. It shocked me. And this afternoon i had tears.

What a deep respect i feel for the people, how they responded, the fathers and the grandfather who stayed so calm, and could even still laugh. Those man and woman are strong, really strong. It is unbelievable to me. In my country we probably have the same kind of fishing rules, but we do not have the honor of having people here who are the first people who lived here. It is amazing, no shocking and it feels as a very big shame that is happens.
My country never had a soul, so we are not killing our soul like America does. America the big example for so many white and black people. The land which is stolen, and tries to kill the soul in stead of live together.

So this afternoon i fell sad and cried.. Thinking a lot about your lives. Feeling myself a spoiled white woman in another country.
The main difference between animals and humans is the brain. People use the brain to share information, to save history and to be able to do what we think is good. People create Gods, animals live by the rules of there specie, the rules of Mother Nature and stay themselves. Only few people on our earth live with both rules, they are balanced. Those people are our soul, you people are the soul of Mother Nature. But again, something has gone very wrong somewhere. What happened…

Please, can I introduce some of my friends here?
They teach me to trust even being diffrent species, follow the heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ACTvMijp2M

A few days ago my heart was sad, sitting with the horses tears were there. Tears for the things that touched me deep. Even knowing that i am not a dreamer and most of the time want to know and know ‘the’ reality, it seemed like a nice and friendly dream became a night mare. It feels so stupid of me, selfish not being aware that . Somehow i had the idea that people have learned, learned to be tolerant and to be able to accept other people. In my head the idea occurred that many things were better.

After the movie of the fishing, it made me realize that there are still so many problems you people have to deal with. Especially with the government and there ‘ambassadors’ (language?) who tell you there are rules which you should follow. It is as a Dutch woman pretty unbelievable that it still is a problem. All the immigrants should know better, but no, they don’t……
Was it my dream, my mistake, my basic feeling of admiring you people so much that i somehow got the idea that it wasn’t only me who has these deep feelings of big respect. Yes it was, based on the trust in our own kind, in humans. The program which was on television in the ‘70s gave me the trust that many problems have been solved? After all we now live in 2011, 40 years later…

Nothing has changed. Your immigrants are still abusing names of people, abusing the heart and the soul. It is almost like with the horses, where people try to ‘train’ horses in forgetting who they really are. Abusing the social skills for the own needs and ‘learn’ horses (especially in America where the cowboys still live) to let there head hang down and do not stay with themselves but become animal slaves. Stop them from responding as a horse, and teach them not to behave like a horse. People tell them everything and even, according to what i see and feel, try to kill the soul of the horses.
Train the horses in not being sensitive anymore and even walk so strange, with there head down like they are ashamed of themselves. According to nature rules that means a horse is sick, and it could die, in western riding it is the purpose to ride, or sit on a horse which is a slave. People even breed the perfect animal to be able to ‘train’ them like people want them to be. Unfortunately in the last years this ‘riding style’ has become really popular in my country too.

Many horses have showed me how they feel, how connected they want to be with humans. They can only do that when they are accepted as Horse. They are able to help practical problems even with us, with people on there back. Horses can never forget who they are, Mother Nature made them for another purpose. They are social and friendly animals, who are willing to work with us. Isn’t that the biggest gift we get from the animal people. The gift of compassion, feeling connected and work together.

My country is very popular for immigrants from allover the world, many people come to the Netherlands and so we share many, many different cultures. It is incredible how many people come to our country and our government takes care of anybody. I dare to say that the Netherlands is are very social country. So after years and many different people that gives sometimes also problems. In my country these problems are the opposite of the problems in your land. The difference is that people from other cultures come to our country, take our hospitality which sometimes seems not perfect, but most people get a house, get money to live, clothes etcetera. and you probably know how small my country is. We have now around 16 million people, and there are also many illegal people here. The last years the problems with all the different immigrants is that our people feel that they and tell us what to do, or what to tolerate. One of our chosen ‘leaders’ is fighting against it and somebody else, also as a chosen leader was even killed for his way of thinking.

In my heart it feels like somebody who visits our house, where you feed somebody, offer something to eat and say that to you it s important that your guest feels well. When the guest is fed, and is feeling indeed very well this guest starts to talk strange. Telling you how to make his coffee, telling you what to eat and even how to eat, telling you to stop your praying where every day you thank Mother Nature for all her gifts. Tell you that you pray wrong, and your guest knows better. And in the end the guest tells you to sleep in another room because this guest likes your bed, your room and tells you that he will teach how you should live and think.

It is not possible to compare these issues, they are different. On the other hand it makes me realize that history somehow repeats itself. Of course the details are different, the people are different, the scene is different. Still it seems that there is somehow a human problem. Which shows humanity and ignorance of the needs of other people at the same time. Humanity of the possibility to help others, and also ignorance of the real needs of both sides.

When you are a guest somewhere my parents taught me to be polite, to say thank you. if somebody do not judge anybody on forehand but ask if there is something bothering your mind. Children can say a lot, grown ups have to think before they say something. The main reason is because people get upset real fast. Taking it very soon as a personal attack, which is a mistaken interpretation. The animal people, and in my country people do not use the word people only for the bees, when i mention this word they laugh about it, because many people think we are as humans so great and so important. Not realizing that we only are guests on this planet and by learning lessons we can teach our children. For the Animal people it is common sense to share, and live together. Some keep more distance then others. Your existence on this planet, and your respect for Mother Nature was always an example forme, and ‘allows’ me to use the word Animal people.
So here is my first thank you so much for existing. The Animal people showed me and taught me how they solve there problems. When there is a miscommunication they struggle and after that they continue there life as before. Even being sometimes very different.

The Animal people share the water without fighting it, they use what they need to live and share the land where they live. They stay close to themselves, we call it instinct. There different cultures make it possible to live, each on a different way but some very close together. They help others, even different species do like the birds catch the insect which bother for example the horses. The other insects clean the shit (language?) and make it possible to let plants grow there. Like the stone is our garden, small worlds all togehther.

Since you allowed me on this forum, where i feel welcome and want to give you something as a way of telling you how grateful i am that you are there, and always were and will be.

It feels confusing that the reality is still not good, no even worse. The fishing, the abuse of the name of Geronimo, Apache and so many more things which are so wrong and so insulting is nothing compared to what really happens or must happen there every day. Your way of living and thinking is still not accepted, after all of these years nothing seems to have changed. It makes me angry, sad and it upsets me. But my personal feeling will not change anything.

Perhaps my thoughts, my feelings and my possibility in writing here (which I never thought was ever possible) make it possible at last to be able to thank you for existing and being so strong that you do never lost your identity.

Your strength has always been there, and that is something indescribable to express in proper words. Even not knowing anybody personally, and probably it will never be possible to ever meet anybody physical my hope and trust is to be like a small stone in a river.
Even being very small it will change something at the end of the river.

Thank you

Horse tango there is a truth which has never made the american history books and that is the united states army after seizing control of our horses slaughtered them by the thousands... these horses were trained for many tasks... the hunt, war, scouting and it is my thought they also died needlessly at the hands of the american People whom in their efforts to destroy our Lifeways and Worldviews also took Ethnic Cleansing to a new level in this hemisphere by declaring war upon the horse and the buffalo because in truth we are and always will be the home team in this hemisphere... and in their efforts to erase Native Nation thoughts and lifeways the american People also committed genocide upon gentle creatures who had formed a symbiotic relationship with the First Peoples of this hemisphere.

Thank you Ghostwarrior for your words.
Your words have been bothering my mind for a few weeks. In my heart i wish your were not right, but history tells us more. It is not hard to read in between the lines, it only needs sensitivity and common sense tot do so. This is, unfortunately so true and it makes me feel so ashamed for the behavior of our forefathers. There have happened many things in the past, and the saddest and incredible senseless thing of it all is that it still happens, all over the world.
You people are not only the home team, you people are the soul of any part of the world. It is you who are the soul, perhaps even stronger then we both can believe. There are Native People all over the world, and they are always the heart and the soul of any country, or better said from Mother Earth. Since i do not really know a lot about the land they called america, or how people there live on this other side of the world it is hard for me to really understand things. You are daily in the middle of a fight, a war it never stopped? And will it ever stop?
From what i see from a distance in the land they called america is that history didn’t change, nothing really changed. People, cowboys and also people who say they love horses nowadays still kill horses. They kill the animal inside the horse and do not use very polite things to ‘train’ the horses which they have bred. Actually it is amazing that since the horse were brought to the land they called america they were also slaughtered. There is no other word for that. The ones who are responsible for these actions must have been very, very insecure and very , very scared.
Your strong words Ghostwarrior about erasing Native Nation is, reading the forum and the words of the other people here, feel almost like it is no reality. Like we all will awake and then say; ”no it was a bad dream about the past, no reality just a bad dream”. But it isn’t. It is the daily reality of your lives. The war has never stopped. Will it ever stop?
In Europe we had world war II. Many people, the Jewish people were killed. Other people, who thought they were better people, brought many people tot special places where they were killed. Without anybody ever asking, why do we kill people, why do we kill our own soul?
There were churches, people have read the bible and that book tells a lot about caring for other people. Using your inner strength and not be violent, but nice. Like the story that Jesus was hit he turned his other cheek. Perhaps i missed reading the book correctly, but as far as i know there is no God, no Creator, nobody spiritual who tells humans to kill for no reason. Genocides.
As far as i could and can find information about history to understand, and yes it is very hard to find reality, it is almost impossible. For instance now i try to read a silly book about Geronimo, because the story made me curious, who was this man? Was he a bad person, or was he a good man, many people liked him, and many white people hated him. Reason enough to be curious, who was he? And what has happened in his life, what made him so angry, were there moments in his life that he wanted to bring peace, was he able to think about that etc. etc.?
Dear people, this book is so awfully hard to read, that it is impossible to learn anything from it. It feels frustrating tot read so many, real silly white rules from those days, and s little about the Apache people. It is logical because it is written by a american person, so it is an american book. Still it doesn’t bring anything which is really true. It brings an opinion, from one side. An opinion of a person who did not understand anything about other people. All the words are just information seen, and written by a person who was only curious but, sadly for him didn’t understand anything from no relationship at all. That must make somebody lonely, and loneliness can lead to anger.
This will sound stupid, forgive me please when its wrong. You people, the Lakotah people and many other tribes too are people who know. You know and that must be for many people, for us Europeans, but from people all over the world so scary. It gives pride, it brings balance, peace and acceptation.
The book, the bible, is talking about those values. About wisdom, about love, about woman, about sacrifice and so many things which makes us, Europeans, very scared. We do not sacrifice at all, nobody teaches us to do so. We learn to live for ourselves, do not trust anybody and so many strange rules make our society to what it is. We do not feel, we do but we deny our feelings because we think that feelings are not something to be proud of.
That’s is a immense difference when you are able to really have, using your words again, symbiotic relationship with Mother Nature. It is so logical that your people were, and still must be, the best animal trainers in the whole world. That is why the world needs you so much at this moment.
When you are honest, social and able to listen to other people then there is serenity. And that is what we all want to achieve. As well Human people as the Animal people. That is what the world needs, so many people think that there is Mother Nature and people, not understanding that we are part of it. Next to each other, not against.
Perhaps that is the main reason why so many people are so scared of your Native Nation thoughts and life ways. You can, because you are. You do not have silly rules, rational thoughts only to guide your life. We do, and we (still) do not learn from it.
It has become a long story again, sorry for drawing so much attention to me. I do not mean to. It is very hard to express myself in another language knowing that we cannot look into each others eyes. Written words are hard to really understand the way they are meant to be. But somehow i feel that you understand.

Horse Tango

it seems to me that apologizing for the behavior of forefathers becomes rather a moot point when the present fathers continue to do the exact same thing... is withholding an annuity payment in the 1800's any different than withholding $400,000 in 2011 to finish a new water treatment facility? it seems to me that both have the exact same result.

i do thank you for the kindness of your apology...yet it is my thought that it is the People of american and their united states government that have yet to apologize for their Ethnic Cleansing and for current ongoing efforts to colonize and assimilate Native Nations on this continent.

Thank you Ghostwarrior for your kind and also sharp words.
The last months i tried to find out what is happening on the other side of the world. There is to much i do not understand. Forgive me please, when my words are not well chosen or my questions will be dumb or silly.
Your words stayed in my head, they are so true. That’s why it took me some time to find a fitting answer. Still can’t find it.
In reality i think there is no apologize ever possible, never ever. That would even be an insult towards everybody who lost life. From me it is just a personal apology, individual because i know now that many, many people still see it from a different way. It hurts that to many people seem to miss a very important feeling. Hatred doesn’t solve problems, and excuses are always to late.
My apology is just from somebody far away, just from an individual and probably meaningless Dutch person. It doesn’t come from where it is supposed to come from. That is to me so strange and incredible to understand. Things should be solved now, they talk over united states. But what means the word united in English? In my dictionary it is explained as ‘coming together’. But is it only a word, a word without meaning. Like many words seem to be nowadays.
Nobody should never forget what happened. Wounded Knee, the massacre was physical, but now people are smarter and now they do, exactly the same but now more ‘sophisticated’ physical and psychological. All these people should not have died for nothing. We should be able to learn from such big, big mistakes. All these people should not be forgotten, ever! But it feels almost that there was no lesson, it makes me ashamed, deeply ashamed on mankind in common.
From this long distance it is so hard to imagine what is all really going on. But it feels like it is my duty to give you something as a gesture of my gratitude and be able to say; Thank you. That’s is why i tell you about how we think, what they educate us and hope that it supports you. Even if it is a small stone in a river, the small stone changes the direction of the river just a tiny bit.


To me you are the soul of mankind, the living proof that it is possible to adapt to Mother Nature. Not the other way around. That is why people are so afraid of you. Your strength, your believe, your culture and language. Its yours, and it should stay yours.
It will sound strange, perhaps unbelievable, but so many times in my life i cried for what happened in the past. It was one of you who gave me a present, a ritual to help me to be able to let the guilt go. But i never started it, because i feel in my heart it should not be forgotten what happened. The fear of the Chiefs, who lead the people to a place where they must have doubted. They must have fell insecure that it would really help to find a solution. Their biggest nightmare became even worse, the massacre. Whatever caused what happened there doesn’t matter, it was a well of hate and immense fear.
All these mechanisms have been bothering my mind for years, how come, why and why did it never stopped. Perhaps the war became modern, with the ‘intelligence’ of the people who stole (or tried to steal) the soul of mankind. Taking lives didn’t help, and apologizing for mistakes is always to late when children, woman and people were involved.
From what i see and tried to imagine what was the fundamental is that the white people were so awfully scared of your People. That made me think, and that is why to me your People are indeed the soul of mankind. Is it to much honor? No.
We cannot change history, many people would want that for different reasons. But it does worry me, and many others that it never stopped! Times have changed, the environment is different and still.. it goes on. How is it possible that people do not see your qualities, your culture which is, or should be an example for so many people. Not to take away, but as an example. Please don’t ever give up!
It makes me happy and very proud to see that Mr. Russell Means is better. I never saw a person who was cured of the worst disease mankind can get, and who was so strong! To me that is an example to never give up the fight. The fight which starts in the heart. He didn’t give up the fight, and he wants what’s best for you.
From what the Horse People showed me there are four characters. One of them is the fighter, the warrior. These horses do not fight for themselves, the fight for a reason. They are highly social and fight to protect the mares and the filly’s. Even when the enemy is stronger, bigger of better they protect and help. Perhaps this will sound very stupid, but that’s what i see with people too. Fighters are reasonable and use their common sense. They are experienced and know, they use their skills to help others.
It was because of you that i started to study the animal people. It was them who showed me what loyalty was, what it is to be faithful tot your own kind and how you fight for your friends. Not only when you see them pr when they are there. Also when they are not there, and it would be more easy to adapt on the ideas of others. But no, that would be selling your soul.
That is what many ‘cowboys’ still do with horses in your country, they still try to kill the soul of this magnificent animal which we should thank and learn from its skills instead of kill it. The older i get, the more i think that people who do not understand Mother Nature are scared. They are scared because they can not understand or be able to look at things from a different way and think that people, humans, are the highest creatures on earth. That gives fear and misunderstanding creates rage towards others who think or are different. Those human feelings destroy the commons sense and they do not build a good atmosphere. Respect does, respect and admiration feed the possibility to live together.
The Animal People taught me what it is to be curious, and how they can live in symbiosis with the environment. Wish i could help you, help the people which feel ‘better’ to see your needs, to be able to stop these concentration camps. It makes me feel so embarrassed that that is your daily life, and there seems no way out. There is, and i hope you will find it. Perhaps it is closer than you ever thought it is. Use your strength, not your weakness.

But there is something else i need to say, something what is to me not good.
This topic has drawn a lot of attention. That is not what my intention was. And it feels very embarrassing because it is not me who has to draw attention, it is you who need attention! My intention was to thank you for existing, thank your forefathers and show my personal respect for your culture from out of my heart. Just a woman from a long distance, with no physical possibilities to help. The only thing i could do was to share some thoughts, bring you some story’s which perhaps would have some points which might be of use.
But now i doubt that, and feel ashamed for drawing so much attention.

It has gone out of control, and i can only apologize again. There are still many things which i would like to share with you but is it useful? Does it come where it is supposed to go. Does it really help anybody? It is impossible for me to come to the land they called america. Therefore this forum seemed to be a possibility to tell you that there is somebody out there who cares. A moral support, which is probably nothing.
It embarrasses me to see what happened, and you could say history repeats when things are getting out of hand. Therefore it is better to redraw. My conscience is telling me to draw back.

Please never give up your culture, keep it where it belongs and stay proud. That was always an example to me, to be a little bit like you and keep your dignity and pride.
It is you who need attention, care and support. So people start to realize that killing the soul is suicide and suicide doesn’t bring anything. No mother gives birth to a baby for that reason. Mothers want the best for the children an raise them to become mature and be able to use common sense.

Please let my words be, or have been of some value, even if it is just a moment. In my heart the love and a deep respect for all of you will be there.
Stay yourself, nobody can ever take away self-respect and your dignity .

Thank you all, thanks for being there all the time, don’t ever give up!

Hau Horse Tango Thank you for the good words and kind thoughts they are deeply appreciated and i would also say this thing that you say is a small thing is probably the greatest of all things that you could do right now... the moral support of knowing that we are still here and still want to be us is a great help in this ongoing war to not be assimilated by the american People.

Horse Tango, I am new to this forum and have just read your posts. You are a very gifted woman in so many ways. Given that English is not your native tongue you have shared your self and thoughts wonderfully; your essence comes across very strong. I too am white though my European (German) ancestors came to this land. I too feel guilt and great sadness over injustices done historically and presently. When I was a young girl in a Catholic school we were not taught the truths regarding the wrongs done to the American Indian. I did not look for truth in this area after I became an adult, I was too busy with the "dramas" of my insignificant life. Last year I met a native Choctaw man and he told me many things which led me to seek out truth on my own. Its strange I go to this forum and find myself learning so much from a European woman. Horse Tango, you are a beautiful person, a sensitive soul. Because of this you "feel" the wrongs done to people, animals, and the land. It is a gift. I hope you continue to write here for you "get it" better than the majority of non-native people in this country. Also I learn from the responses from those whose ancestors are native to this land. Mei vader Sky dekking u en moeder aarde sooth u.

Hau mitakuye,
The following may be of interest...

Sukna'kpogi o'ta t'ewi'c'ayapi
alongside a reference to the ears,which were much admired amongst oyate.

However,the slaughter that GhostWarrior speaks of concerning Red Cloud (Mahpi'ya Lu'ta) occured later,in the mid 1870's.

Well spoken,Horse Tango

Toksa ake

"The stereotypical image of American Indians as childlike, superstittious creatures still remains in the popular American mind-a subhuman species that really has no feelings, values, or inherent worth. This attitude permeates American society because Americans have been taught that "scientists" are always right, that they have no personal biases, and that they do not lie, three fictions that are... impossible to defeat. A current example will suffice. For several decades Indians have complained about the use of grotesque cartoon figures of Indians used as sports mascots, the most prominent being that used by the Washington professional football team. We have been lectured by every redneck peckerwood who can man a typewriter about how harmless these names and symbols are. Some columnists have even written columns warning that if the Indians are successful, there will be protests by Lions, Tigers and Marlins-indicating that Indians are still calssified as wildlife instead of human beings... Scientists may not have intended to portray Indians as animals rather than humans, but their insistence that Indians are outside the mainstream of human experience produces precisely these reactions in the public mind."

Vine Deloria Jr - Red Earth, White Lies

"WHEN INDIAN BINGO GAMES AE HUMMING in almost every nook and cranny of our land, stealing the most sacred ritual of the Roman Catholic Church and gathering the white man's coin as quickly as it can reasonably be retrieved, progress is being made. When multitudes of young whites roam the West convinced they are Oglala Sioux Pipe Carriers and on a holy mission to protect "mother Earth," and when p...riests and ministers, scientists and drug companies, ecologists and environmentalists are crowding the reservations in search of new rituals, new medicines, or new ideas about the land, it would appear as if American Indians finally have it made. Indeed, some tribal chairmen are now well-heeled Republicans worried about gun control, moral fiber, and prayer in schools. In many respects American Indians are looking increasingly like middle-class Americans."

Vine Deloria Jr

I have to share this, Ghost Warrior. I live in a community that currently does not include indigenous people, which reminds me of a Vine Deloria Jr. quote: “When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white man came, an Indian said simply, 'Ours.'” Anyway my man lives in Oklahoma, a Choctaw native, and I was talking to a friend regarding his accent (southern) and he assumed I meant his accent was, I don’t know, like how ndn’s talk in the movies, I guess. This was just a few months ago. I didn’t know whether I should laugh or cry.

NDNs are still savages HAHA! LOL That is probably why my white grandfather's family thought my Indian grandmother was crazy and never liked her.I am still a baby in learning about my Indian heritage but I have been to the Cherokee NC Indian reservation many,many times and all I ever saw was that the Cherokees lived like me.When I was a child, going to Cherokee was always a part of our vacation every summer.We would say let's go see the Indians like they were a weird class of people not knowing we were actually looking at Indians every day in ourselves.A Cherokee storyteller I went to see, said when he was little, he used watch cowboys and Indians on TV all the time and you know how TV usually portrayed Indians as the bad guys in the old movies and shows.He said he told his parents that he was going to kill me some of them Indians.He said his parents laughed at him and he was wondering why.He said that was the first time when he knew he was an Indian. Jennifer..............................................PS We didn't know when we vacationed at Cherokee we were also visiting cousins!!!

Saw a documentary a while back streamed onto my computer via Netflix, Reel Injuns, which may have been discussed on prior posts. Bits and pieces of the film are posted on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTVWtlkXDSI